kids

the other thing I want to write about (in addition to work and life and lost time and love) is Eli. having a kid is one of those amazing experiences that you live and (most days) love and can't remember later. boyhood was so good because in two hours you could witness all the things that you would normally forget about your child growing up. i watched it by myself one night when nobody was here including my own kid and, of course, at the end i cried during the final scene when the mother says "i just thought there would be more." but what is more? every day is one more day and one more amazing or mundane or boring experience with the child. i always thought that perhaps this is the  most important and adds up to all there is and stops you from asking for "more," but i don't know. i love listening to him though. based on the stuff that comes out of his mouth, Eli is one of those kids who seems extremely prescient, somehow all-seeing and wise beyond his years from time to time:

me: it will be so hot today, i don't like it.
eli: you are not hot, mommy, you are cold. you are a loner, you always will be, he said this morning.

i of course was speechless and thought, how does he know this about me? is it so obvious?

but then he said: and your butt is big and smelly and i will fart on you...

and all was well and as it should be.

six years without the blog - WTF happened?

so now i should give myself a summary of what happened in the years between my last post and this one.

- on my fifth job.  in boyfriend speak: one was depressing but supported you in the hardest of times; two was a gift you knew you couldn't keep; three was amazing at first then let you down bad; four was the sad guy you never wanted to date and was nice to hang with but you kept hoping you were still out of his league the whole time; and there is the current one you can't talk about because he looks good on paper and is pretty nice to you but...you just can't.

- my kid got huge. 8 and a half, 75 pounds, almost 5 feet, lots of words and opinions, really funny, almost a teenager but still a baby on a good day. took him to Hungary 5 times, Switzerland once and Israel once. i really want to take him to Vietnam and Cambodia and all over Asia. still never been to Asia.

- too much time on Facebook. that's part of the reason i stopped writing this blog. it is an easy substitute for honest communication. although, as my sister says, i probably don't get it the way her generation does. she is three years younger than me but considers herself one with the millenials.

- i am 40. saying this felt like I imagine saying "i am an alcoholic" at an AA meeting .

- my husband is very nice. i don't tell him this often enough.

inspired by Marc Maron and Richard Linklater

WTF is happening in your life that's so interesting? Why would you want to remember it? Because the older you get, the faster time passes. And you (or, at least, I) get stupider by the day. And it is really fun/interesting/sad to re-read your prior silliness. I recently re-read my blog from 10 years ago while I was traveling in South America then living in Paris and moving to NYC and it was an amazing (and cringe-worthy) experience. The insight into one's own brain years later is a gift I may want to keep giving to myself again. So I will write whatever comes into focus.